Final Draft

  Travel is what people find when they are on holidays or want to get some freshness of their routine. So to speak, travel has long regarded as the one of the popular enjoyments done with various goals; we can start to travel to learn something, escape from sorrow or boredom. To achieve these various goals effectively, we need to concentrate on making systematic plans. While making the plans, we should consider a thing: how long one would spend time in a place? In other words we should think which should be more taken care of us, quality or quantity. (Quality would mean to spend long time in certain places and quantity would mean visiting as many places as possible.) Although quantitative travel enables us to watch many sceneries, qualitative travel has more advantages it can never give.

  Nowadays, the demand for better travel has skyrocketed and the trend of travel has changed. Then, how has the trend changed? Before discussing this, we need to know what made the difference; the development of mobile technology is the key of this change. Mobile devices so-called mobile revolution caused rapid spread and generalization of plentiful and various information, and that has influenced on our life including travel. A report explains what implication this development has applied on our travel pattern.

We are in the midst of an out-and-out explosion in mobile technology innovation. The use of smartphone / tablet technology, social media and apps are growing rapidly, to the point where online use from mobile devices is expected to outstrip traditional internet use by 2014. It’s changing the way we experience and engage with everyday life– from the way we spend our leisure time to the way we communicate with our friends and family – the impact is there for all to see. If we know one thing for sure it’s that the use of technology will continue to innovate and evolve as we look towards 2020.(Northern Ireland Tourist Board, 2013)

  Through this article, it can be confidently believed that thanks to the information revolution people don't need to depend on travel packages of tour agencies anymore. Moreover, Rafat Ali and others explains the trend, saying people started to shun human interaction on their report. The reason, according to the research, is because they know everything about places where they would go with their mobile tools.     Thus, people finally could independently forge and create their way of travel palatable to themselves with mobile tools. Because it sometimes becomes our task to set the travel plans from choosing places to deciding the time spent in there, it is need-to-know to consider the question about which is more important, quality and quantity.

  Today, the tendency of "competitive travel"ㅡto concentrate on increasing the number of places a person visit or the stamps on the passportㅡbecame popular in the support of mobile and transportation technology. We can think it can be exciting or challenging, so meaningful. There are, however, some benefits this tendency cannot give travelers, but qualitative travel can doㅡ one involving human interaction, one involving deep understanding, and one involving true information.
  Let's consider human interactions first. Unlike quantitative travelers, Qualitative traveler have enough time to communicate with native people of tourist spots. Why does it important? In the post of a blog, the writer who have spent his time traveling more than 14 years, said how he was lonely on his travel without communication, describing interaction as a key of learning about tourist sites.

I could not understand the language. I had no idea about the local customs. I did not know which places were safe, which should be avoided, what foods to try, what had a higher chance of making me ill. I did not have any friends around. I did not know who to trust or how to find out any reliable information and I did not even know what he was ‘supposed’ to be doing every day…In the end, the only way to learn some of the language, the only way to learn about the customs and where to eat or what’s on the menu or how to find information is to communicate with those around you. Talk to the shop owners, ask your waiter a question, start conversations with fellow travelers (many of whom are wandering around struggling with the same things as you!), rely on the hostel staff for some advice. (Derek Baron, 2013)

 Based on the empirical story of the veteran traveler, it can be said that the interaction with native people gives travelers a lot of advantages like skill of communicating with strangers, learning languages and customs, or knowing new information of the place. The time to interact with people is a benefit only qualitative travel can give. We all knows that our smartphone can give us information, but there must be something it cannot give us, but the interaction can do like talking skill. If we are busy moving from places to places, we would lose the time and benefits it gives. Though it is likely to be thought that people with mobile tools can solve almost problems while traveling, it cannot surpass the power of qualitative travel that we can directly learn something, erasing loneliness mobile tools give us away.
  Moving on another reason, deep understanding in travel is also an important element which qualitative travel can give us. Being free from time limitation and getting relaxed let travelers feel and appreciate attractions more deeply. Think about two people traveling France, and suppose one is on competitive travel and another is on qualitative travel. They go to Louvre Museum to watch some pictures. While one person hurries to finish watching, another enjoys the pictures of the museum comfortably. Also, the understanding of two people about the a painting must be different. What makes these two people different? It is a time and attitude of mind. While first person should consider time during the travel, another person can fully concentrate on watching attractions because there is nothing to care. Therefore, appreciation between those who observed it closely in calm and those who caught a glimpse of it in hurry would be very different in depth. What ensures our deep understanding is enough time and relaxedness. They provide enough condition to watch, feel, and think. In tother words, to enjoy the trip and appreciate places and its assets well, we should be free from urgency to move and keep calm in affluent time.
  Finally, let's turn to information. One might think it is more easier to get information on the internet than on traveling. We need to, however, know information of natives is more trustworthy than that of internet. It is a well-known truth that information on the media like internet, facebook, or tweeter is not always reliable. Most of those who use them might have experience finding famous restaurants reviews on blogs, which sometimes exaggerate or even distort the truth; the bloggers take bribes which owners of restaurants offered to draw attention of people. The misinformation of media can be found not only this example but also more like rumors about the entertainment or the government. (There are some examples for this on the Web site: The Rapid Spread of Misinformation Online) If the phenomenon that people get wrong information and so get in trouble in keeping their trip going on, it can result in bad thoughts that might let people become unwilling to travel. On the other hand, the information from natives in attractions is more reliable and fast. As they really live around attractions, it is more easy to know about information or events of there. For example, native people of a rural attraction know a restaurant would move soon to another place while internet doesn't know what would happen before it occurs. Although the speed of the internet improved, it cannot predict events of attractions unless native people announce it on the internet. How can internet give information that native people donot know? Therefore, we can get better information from navtives of attractions than the internet.
   Those who prefer competitive can disagree with my opinion. One of the example of that is opinion of a post.

a person who travels to places for a quick moment is still accomplishing something, still experiencing a new destination, even if it is brief. There is no harm, and perhaps even a net positive that this form of travel can offer a person, as far as culture and education are concerned. A person who has traveled to 100 countries in a year is still going to have plenty of stories – that’s incontestable; perhaps the amount of stories can equal or surpass the stories of a person who traveled through one country in a year. One point in the favor of competitive travelers – these guys are more likely to be around people more often, as frequent journeys to and from destinations usually force one to submit to the joys that are travel transportation, such as planes. And being around people in a foreign destination is a learning experience, more times than not. Also, in just short minutes we can do many things; having a coffee break with a person I just met in there, appreciating beautiful scenery.(Eilers, 2013)

  It is right that we cannot said the devotee of competitive travel has not experienced something important or meaningful, and that they are also accomplishing something, being satisfied with watching their record of travel. How can we say, however, he or she completely enjoyed certain place even if he or she doesn't know anything about? Can a person say "I have visited New York" even though he or she just spent 10 minutes in JFK Airport for transfer? I believe dropping out cannot be a experience of real travel. Besides, they cannot deny this; competitive traveling makes people exhausted mentally and physically. As they visit many places, they may have a lot of place to remember and have to use much of their power to move another place. Considering this, we could know qualitative travel is more effective than quantitative travel.

  We have started to travel with any purposes for a long time and the development of technologies, especially mobile technology has influenced on the process. Some might say that to decide the time to stay at a place depends upon personal characteristics. However, it is still true that spending enough time in tour places allows us to achieve better travel experience in the aspect of a human interaction, a deep understanding, and an accuracy of information. Travel is not for becoming busy but for getting relaxed and affluent in mind. I believe people can take a step for the best travel and enjoy the advantages of travel when they acknowledge the importance of quality in travel. We should not forget that travel can be completed not with evidences that we visited there like pictures or stamps but with the overall process of it.

References

Northern Ireland Tourist Board. (2013). Tourism In The Midst of A Mobile Revolution. 

          Retrieved from http://www.historyspace.eu/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Tourism-

        in-the-midst-of-a-mobile-revolution.pdf

Rafat A., Jason C., Dennis S. and Samantha S. (2014). The 14 Trends That Will Define
         Travel In 2014 Retrieved from http://www.fairtrade.travel/uploads/files/Skift_
       Trends_2014.pdf
Derek E. B. (2013, June 20). Feeling Lost, Confused & Lonely While Traveling? Retrieved
       from http://www.wanderingearl.com/feeling-lost-confused-lonely-while-traveling/
Farida V. (2014, Janurary 25). The Rapid Spread of Misinformation Online Retrieved from
       http://www.huffingtonpost.com/farida-vis/the-rapid-spread-of-misinformation-
       online_b_4665678.html
Christian K. E. ( 2013, Sep 18) Competitive Traveling: Quantity vs. Quality Retrieved from
       http://www.dauntlessjaunter.com/2013/09/18/competitive-traveling-quantity-vs-
       quality/ 

Peer Evaluation

안녕 민선아,,.♥

Grade
According to the rubric above, what grade would you give this essay? Why?
This essay deserves a three. The perspective is unique - Most people think that robots will match human intelligence eventually. There is basic research to support some ideas.

How does this essay need to improve to get a better grade?
The research needs to improve. Too many ideas are based on opinion. For example, the criticisms of Kurzweil are not founded on evidence, just the author's opinions.


Thesis
What is the thesis?
Using internet as mass media is harmful for students.

Is the thesis clear and debatable?
Yes and yes.

If you (The reviewer) wrote this essay, how would you have written the thesis?.
Although internet gives us a lot of information, internet is inappropriate media for students.

Any other thoughts?
This is interesting. It will be difficult to do any conclusive persuasion because the essay has to be based on conjecture since it is a hypothesis about the future. 


Classical Argument
Can you easily identify the 5 parts of the classical argument? If no, what parts are missing?

I don't see the narration. 그 인트로덕션이랑 Confirmation이랑 바로 이어지는 것 같습니다.There is a brief mention of the history of the fear of computers and robots out thinking people, but it is more of a lead in to a confirmation paragraph then a narration. A good narration should examine both sides of the issue and what popular opinion on both sides say. 

Does the introduction catch your attention? Does it comfortably lead to the thesis? 
The thesis claims computers are evolving, but human brains are not evolving. It seems like that is a powerful counterargument to the author's thesis - not a strong starting point.

Does the narration give all the necessary background information to understand the topic?
Yes, but it is missing conjecture about the future. Just because current technology doesn't beat brain power, there is no reason to believe it won't eventually be able to.

Does the confirmation adequately support the thesis?
No. The confirmation only addresses modern day competitors to the brain, not potential future threats. Since the thesis is about the future, I think this is a significant oversight.

Does the refutation and concession address a realistic counterpoint? Does it adequately dispute the counterpoint, or respond in a reasonable manner?
I think the counterpoint is reasonable - Comparing the brain to a computer is difficult or impossible. However, trying to compare them in terms of their ability doesn't directly connect to the thesis. The essay started with a premise about computational power, not practical outcomes.

Does the conclusion summarize the article and address the larger significance of the thesis? 
Yes. I think the final point that, if the reader disagrees with the author, we will cheat ourselves of future technological developments, and what we should really do is focus on using technology responsibly. 

What suggestions do you have for improving the classical argument structure?
The narration is nonexistent or inadequate. Develop it - Tell us about those who agree with you and disagree with you. What are the stakes? If robots rival human brain power, so what? If they don't, so what? Why should we care?

Persuasion
When you started reading the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis? 
I disagreed with the thesis.

When you finished the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
I still disagree with the thesis.

If your mind changed, why? What parts of the essay were persuasive?
I did not change my mind. 

How could the author enhance the persuasive parts of their essay?
Spend more time considering the future of technology, not where it stands today. You're saying that because today you can't do algebra, you'll never be able to do algebra. Its illogical. 


Research
Is the author using research effectively? 
Yes

Is the research from appropriate sources?
Yes, although none of them are from academic research. 

Are the sources obvious?
Yes, the sources are obvious. (There is reference.)

Are the pieces of evidence relevant to the thesis or essay?
Usually. The quotes from the robotics expert aren't really relevant because he's only talking about robot power, not computer power. 

Are there any parts of the essay that need evidence to support the claims?
The criticisms of Kurzweil definitely need more evidence. They are entirely opinion based. Perhaps more research into his career - Short comings or missing credentials - would help the argument. 

Second Draft

  In the life time, one would have said "I want to travel!" when struggling with something or being bored. This shows travel is regarded as the one of the popular ways to escape from what bothers us like boring routine, stress, solitude or sadness. We can also start to travel to learn something. To achieve these various goals effectively, we cannot help concentrating on making systematic plans, and this may include a question: how long one would spend time in a place?-short or long. The question can be expressed like this: Which should be more taken care of us, quality or quantity?; quality would mean to spend long time in certain places and quantity would mean visiting as many places as possible. Although quantity enables us to watch many sceneries, to spend enough time in a tour place is more useful experience.

  Nowadays, the demand for better travel has skyrocketed and the trend of travel has changed. Then, how has the trend changed? Before discussing this, we need to know what made the difference; the development of mobile technology is the key of this change. Mobile devices so-called mobile revolution caused rapid spread and generalization of plentiful and various information, and that has influenced on our life including travel. Tourism in the midst of a mobile revolution explains what implication this development has applied on our travel pattern.

We are in the midst of an out-and-out explosion in mobile technology innovation. The use of smartphone / tablet technology, social media and apps is growing rapidly, to the point where online use from mobile devices is expected to outstrip traditional internet use by 2014. It’s changing the way we experience and engage with every day life– from the way we spend our leisure time to the way we communicate with our friends and family – the impact is there for all to see. If we know one thing for sure it’s that the use of technology will continue to innovate and evolve as we look towards 2020.

  Through this, it can be confidently believed that thanks to the information revolution people don't need to depend on travel packages of tour agencies any more. Moreover, The 14 Trends That Will Define Travel In 2014 explains people started to shun human interaction as they know everything about places where they would go with mobile tools, and bike and train, local and inter-city travel, is where all the innovation in transportation is happening. Thus, people finally could independently forge their own way of travel palatable to themselves. Because it sometime becomes our task to set the travel plan from places to visit to time spent in there, it is need-to-know to consider the question about which is more important, quality and quantity.

  Today in the support of mobile and traffic technology, the tendency of "competitive travel"ㅡto concentrate on increasing the number of places a person visit or the stamps on the passportㅡbecame one of the popular types of travel. There is, however, the worry that it might take important elements of travel awayㅡ one involving human interaction, one involving deep understanding, and one involving true information.
  Let's consider human interactions first. Under the effect of mobile revolution, having enough information gained from mobile tools is common in modern society and this lets us obviate the need to ask native people for some information. Why does it matter? In the process of conversation with native people while traveling, travelers could not only kick their loneliness out but also learning something important. In the post of a blog, the writer, who have spent his time traveling more than 14 years and shared his experience, says how he was lonely during his travel: I could not understand the language, I had no idea about the local customs, I did not know which places were safe, which should be avoided, what foods to try, what had a higher chance of making me ill. He says he did not have any friends around, he did not know who to trust or how to find out any reliable information and he did not even know what he was ‘supposed’ to be doing every day. Finally, the answer that he suggests to overcome this is the same with below. 

 In the end, the only way to learn some of the language, the only way to learn about the customs and where to eat or what’s on the menu or how to find information is to communicate with those around you. Talk to the shop owners, ask your waiter a question, start conversations with fellow travelers (many of whom are wandering around struggling with the same things as you!), rely on the hostel staff for some advice.”. To answer these, consumers 
are increasingly turning to the opinions of other tourists on travel review sites as a first port of call. Over the next decade, the functionality of travel review sites will grow alongside innovations in mobile technology and will become even more embedded in the planning stage.
 Moreover, It is becoming more and more important for consumers to be connected at all times during their travels. The smartphone will become the ubiquitous travel companion giving tourists access to their passport, money, travel guides and reviews, maps, social networks and much more as mobile technology continues to develop.

  Based on the empirical story of the veteran traveler, it can be said that the interaction with native people gives travelers a lot of advantage like skill of communicating with strangers, or knowing new information, and the mobile tools that makes people shun human interaction now takes these advantages away from travelers though it does not mean to be. We all knows that our smartphone can give us information but it cannot yet give us skill for communication with stranger directly. Also, if we are busy moving to roam from places to places, we would have far less time to talk with them. Though it is likely to be though that people with mobile tools can solve almost problems themselves while traveling, there are still something that a person cannot obtain with it.
  Moving on another reason, deep understanding in travel is also an important element that is in danger of disappearing due to competitive travel tendency. Samuel Johnson, a English writer of England in 18 centuries, said "What is written without effort is in general read without pleasure." What relation do this saying have with travel? As this saying conveys us that to know something deeply the enough effort is needed, we can draw a conclusion from this that people should invest their time and effort if they want to comprehend the meaning of the place. If it still leave clueless, then think about traveling France. It just passed 10 minutes after arriving at Louvre Museum and the tourist says it is time to leave here. Can 10 minutes bring travelers deep appreciation in Louvre which has more than 30,000 pieces of paintings? The understanding about the a painting must be different between those who observed it closely and those who caught a glimpse of it.  If the thought internet has the pictures of pieces of Louvre came up, ask that Mona Lisa with digital pixel is really the same with real one. Therefore, to be busy trying to increase the number of visited attractions would make people just remember the memory they were so hurry, not the appreciation about places. It is memorable fact that if one don't spend enough time for it, it is natural to become hard to remember what he or she saw.
  Finally, let's turn to information. One might think it is more easier to get information on the internet than on traveling. We need to, however, know still the limitation of mobile tool exists. It is a well known truth that information on the media like internet, facebook, or tweeter is not always reliable. Most of those who use them might have experience finding famous restaurants reviews on blogs, which sometimes exaggerate or even distort the truth; the bloggers get bribes owners of restaurants offered to draw attention of people. The misinformation of media can be found not only this example but also more like rumors about the entertainment or the government. (There are some examples for this on this site: The Rapid Spread of Misinformation Online) If the repetition of the phenomenon that people get wrong information about their travel and so get in trouble in keeping their trip goes on, it can result in bad thoughts that might let people become unwilling to travel, taking the opportunity in gaining advantages of travel away.

  Those who prefer competitive can disagree with my opinion. One of the example of that is the article of Christian Eilers on dauntless-jaunter.

a person who travels to places for a quick moment is still accomplishing something, still experiencing a new destination, even if it is brief. There is no harm, and perhaps even a net positive that this form of travel can offer a person, as far as culture and education are concerned. A person who has traveled to 100 countries in a year is still going to have plenty of stories – that’s incontestable; perhaps the amount of stories can equal or surpass the stories of a person who traveled through one country in a year. One point in the favor of competitive travelers – these guys are more likely to be around people more often, as frequent journeys to and from destinations usually force one to submit to the joys that are travel transportation, such as planes. And being around people in a foreign destination is a learning experience, more times than not. Also, in just short minutes we can do many things; having a coffee break with a person I just met in there, appreciating beautiful scenery.

  It is right that we cannot said the devotee of competitive travel has not experienced something important or meaningful, and that they are also accomplishing something, being satisfied with watching their record of travel. How can we say, however, he or she completely enjoyed certain place even if he or she doesn't know anything about? Can a person say "I have visited New York" even though he or she just spent 10 minutes in JFK Airport for transfer? I believe dropping out cannot be a experience of real travel. Besides, they cannot deny this; competitive traveling makes people exhausted mentally and physically. As they visit many places, they may have a lot of place to remember and have to use much of their power to move another place. Considering this, we could know qualitative travel is more effective than quantitative travel.

  We have start to travel with our own purposes for a long time. To achieving more effective and better travel we have made plans before traveling, and the development of technologies, especially mobile technology has influenced on the process. Although it seems a matter of characteristics to deciding which of quality or quantity we should concentrate on more in some ways, it is still true that without spending enough time in a tour place we cannot achieve better travel experience in the lack of human interaction and deep understanding, and in misinformation of media. Travel is not for being busy, but for getting relaxed and affluent in mind. I believe when people acknowledge the importance of quality in travel, they can take a step for drawing near the best travel, enjoying the advantages of travel that I mentioned. We, who love travel, should not forget that travel can be completed not with evidences that we visited there like pictures or stamps, but with the overall process of it.

http://ko.wikipedia.org/wiki/APA_%EC%96%91%EC%8B%9D

http://blog.naver.com/ysh910727?Redirect=Log&logNo=20201574185

Self Evaluation

1) What score do you think you deserve? Here is the rubric:

2 points - The first draft is thoughtful and a good start to an effective persuasive essay. It demonstrates an understanding of the classical argument.

1 point - The student completes a first draft that demonstrates an understanding of the classical argument

0 points - The first draft is inadequate

 I think my essay deserves 1 point. 

2) What did you do well?

 I think my introduction was good enough to grab attention of viewers with the sayings that can represent the both side of my question. Also, it was good to try to persuade others with some questions comparing the differences of two sides.

3) What could you have done better?

The whole essay is little bit messy I think because I didn't effectively. If I write and make my ideas and supports more clear, it would become better first draft.

4) Which part of the classical argument did you use the best?

I think the part of the classical argument that I use the best is the narration.

5) Which part of the classical argument did you use the most poorly?

I think the poorest part of my classical argument is the refutation and concession, and conclusion. Though I found the saying that can convey the opinion of opposite side and conceded the idea of it, I could not found enough supporting resources to reinforce my argument against refutations. Conclusion was weak because it lost several key elements of conclusion form.

6) What's your strategy to make your second draft better?

 I think I should find more supports or experts opinion about my argument for the more convincing essay. Most of parts were weak with research. That is, I should keep research and find support resources for the better second draft.

ion is strong. I do a good 

First Draft

  Everyone, from babies to elderly citizens, is in their routine and sometimes eager to escape that stuffy sickening daily life. As the best of the way out, Travel has taken center stage for a long time. Moreover as the life standard reach higher and higher and the transportations develop, the demand about better travel is skyrocketing.

  Nowadays, the trend of travel is changing as there is a lot of change in life pattern. According to the The 14 Trends That Will Define Travel In 2014s, as the information revolution was done, people become wealth with information because of previously researched information through media and start to shun human interaction, and know their way around everywhere they go. This bore new travel flow called "competitive travel" that aims for visiting as many places as a possible or getting many stamps on the passport before certain age seems in favor. Then, a question can arise; do you think competitive of traveling is worth spreading? There are two good sayings that can represent these two sides.

1. One's destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things." - Henry Miller
2. Success is a journey, not a destination. The doing is often more important than the outcome.” – Arthur Ashe

  Are you Henry Miller or Arthur Ashe? Which of one should be taken care of in memorable travel- Quality vs. Quantity? In the confusability of this problem, I want to argue that paying best attention to the quality is the best way for great travel.

  In my article, quality would mean to spend long time in certain places and quantity would mean visiting as many places as possible. Before considering which of them is great, we should set standard of the travel period and where we visit. In my article the travel period and places would follow the average based on the article 2012 Consumer Trends- suppose you would travel about 7 days, visiting famous attractions like museum, historic places, or splendid buildings.
It is true that thanks to the information revolution, we can be rich with information about some places we have never visited there. According to Tourism in the midst of a mobile revolution, the development of IT would lead to astonishing change in tourism.

  Anybody who has used the internet for holiday research - for finding the best deals, the best accommodation or the best things to see or do – knows that it is no easy task. However, with improvements in data processing technology expected in the next five years, we will see the development of smarter search engines which will be better at finding and comparing more complex queries. Amadeus predicts that in the near future, consumers will be able to ask a search engine to “find a seven day hiking holiday in South America, under a specific budget, including flights and accommodation, on specific dates,” and it will generate a wide range of possible itineraries and destinations, all reviewed by other tourists and travel experts.

  Like this article says, as time goes by it would become much easier to find information we want to get. Amidst this information flow, however, we should know that there are still some reason we cannot help putting a high value on quality in travel.

  To acknowledge the importance of quality in travel, let's consider a sayings firstly. This is related with the deep appreciation of travel. "What is written without effort is in general read without pleasure (Samuel Johnson)" If you felt that this saying seems dealing with one's effort, you are seeing right. What I want to say through this saying is you should spend enough time if you want to get something meaningful from it. To be busy to see as many attractions as possible would make people just remember the memory they were so hurry, not the appreciation about the place. If you don't spend enough time for it, it is natural to become hard to remember what you see.

  Are you still clueless? Then, suppose you are traveling France. Now, you just arrive at Louvre Museum and the tourist says you would spend 10 minuets in here. Can 10 minutes bring deep appreciation trough 10 minutes spending in Louvre which has more than 30,000 pieces of paintings? Do you think Mona Lisa with digital pixel is the same with real one? The understanding about the a painting must be different between those who observed it closely and those who caught a glimpse of it.
Christian Eilers, one of the famous bloger in travel and work as the journalist of Dauntless Jaunter , says like this in his article.

  I believe that the best way to educate ourselves, our society, and the people we come into contact with is to travel, but to do it in a way that we are able to soak up the culture, history, art, food, etc. of the places we are traveling to. 
  Also, in the blog "travel enlightenment" One say his own experience about a woman who just exhausted with competitive traveling.

I just met a woman who traveled Israel, Jordan and Egypt and was downhearted because of the rush of time. From my personal experience by visiting with many travelers and tourists, many at the end are mince meet – run into the ground with exhaustion.

  Considering their opinion, competitive traveling seems like fool's gold while qualitative travel make people feel affinity to places where they visit.

  Then, let's consider about the information. Though I agree with the fact thanks to the internet and other media we could get in anytime and anywhere, it is also true that limits still exist. I want to my own experience as a example of this limitation. My family and my grandparents went on a trip to Ijak island, which is almost at the end of the West Sea. We should find our lodging ourselves and we have no worry at the first time because we believed with smartphone we could find it easily. It was, however, a great mistake. Because that place was out of network connection, we had no answer but asking native citizens. That was not end. During the trip, we are supposed to visit a famous restaurant where we found through internet before leaving after fishing. The restaurant, however, was out of business when we visited there. My father explained our situation to people around of there and they gladly shared some their foodstuffs and let us know another great restaurant. The memory that I and my sister were so furious about the false information of the internet is very vivid. Through this experience I could know that internet is not always reliable and the interaction during the travel is very precious. Those who have such experience would feel empathy what I say.

  Besides, qualitative travel is beneficial to not only travelers but also attraction shops. Consider you are a owner of a souvenir shop in a famous zoo. Every travelers drop out and leave to somewhere else. Can you run your shop without customer in this situation?



Some might argue like this way like the saying of Christian Eilers's the article.

a person who travels to places for a quick moment is still accomplishing something, still experiencing a new destination, even if it is brief. There is no harm, and perhaps even a net positive that this form of travel can offer a person, as far as culture and education are concerned. A person who has traveled to 100 countries in a year is still going to have plenty of stories – that’s incontestable; perhaps the amount of stories can equal or surpass the stories of a person who traveled through one country in a year. One point in the favor of competitive travelers – these guys are more likely to be around people more often, as frequent journeys to and from destinations usually force one to submit to the joys that are travel transportation, such as planes. And being around people in a foreign destination is a learning experience, more times than not. Also, in just short minutes we can do many things; having a coffee break with a person I just met in there, appreciating beautiful scenery.

  Moreover, because of the development of information technology, we can get a lot of information what we want to know.

  However, how can we say he or she has completely enjoyed certain place even if he or she doesn't know anything about? How can we say "I have visited New York" even though I just spent 10 minutes in JFK Airport for transfer? Dropping out is hard to be travel.

  Furthermore, empirical information must have difference media cannot convey. How can media, especially internet, convey the very grandiosity of Genesis on Sistine Chapel ceiling through its monitor 100 times smaller than the paintings?

  Beside, even though information and appreciation has no problem, they cannot deny this; competitive traveling makes people exhausted mentally and physically. As they visit many places, they have a lot of place to remember and move by so much. Considering this, we could know qualitative travel is more effective than quantitative travel.

  Until now, I have talked about the importance of spending time long enough in attractions with these reasons; the deep appreciation, limitation of media information, and benefits of attraction shops. It is still true that tastes differ and there is no problem as long as a person could be happy whether what type of travel the person prefer. Still, I believe that the best memorable travel is hard to happen without the quality time in travel places. Therefore, quality should be taken care of than quantity for the memorable travel.

First Draft : The Conclusion

Until now, I have talked about the importance of spending time long enough in attractions with these reasons; the deep appreciation, limitation of media information, and benefits of attraction shops. It is still true that tastes differ and there is no problem as long as a person could be happy whether what type of travel the person prefer. Still, I believe that the best memorable travel is hard to happen without the quality time in travel places. Therefore, quality should be taken care of than quantity for the memorable travel.

First Draft : Refutation and Concession

First Draft : The Confirmation

1. What is my thesis?

Although quantity enables us to watch many sceneries, to spend enough time in a tour place is more useful experience.


2. What types of source am I using to defend my thesis?

I am using personal blogs and some examples of them, some reports about the travel trend.


3. Are my arguments mostly based on evidence, logic or emotion?

My arguments have no hard evidence. In fact, I think that is one of the biggest problems with my confirmation. I have good quotes from famous people, and a good example with the Chinese Room, but no statistics or studies to support my thesis. There are no emotional appeals either, but I don't think those would be useful.



To acknowledge the importance of quality in travel, let's consider a sayings firstly. This is related with the deep appreciation of travel. "What is written without effort is in general read without pleasure (Samuel Johnson)" If you felt that this saying seems dealing with one's effort, you are seeing right. What I want to say through this saying is you should spend enough time if you want to get something meaningful from it. To be busy to see as many attractions as possible would make people just remember the memory they were so hurry, not the appreciation about the place. If you don't spend enough time for it, it is natural to become hard to remember what you see.

  Are you still clueless? Then, suppose you are traveling France. Now, you just arrive at Louvre Museum and the tourist says you would spend 10 minuets in here. Can 10 minutes bring deep appreciation trough 10 minutes spending in Louvre which has more than 30,000 pieces of paintings? Do you think Mona Lisa with digital pixel is the same with real one? The understanding about the a painting must be different between those who observed it closely and those who caught a glimpse of it.
Christian Eilers, one of the famous bloger in travel and work as the journalist of Dauntless Jaunter , says like this in his article.

  I believe that the best way to educate ourselves, our society, and the people we come into contact with is to travel, but to do it in a way that we are able to soak up the culture, history, art, food, etc. of the places we are traveling to. 
  Also, in the blog "travel enlightenment" One say his own experience about a woman who just exhausted with competitive traveling.

I just met a woman who traveled Israel, Jordan and Egypt and was downhearted because of the rush of time. From my personal experience by visiting with many travelers and tourists, many at the end are mince meet – run into the ground with exhaustion.

  Considering their opinion, competitive traveling seems like fool's gold while qualitative travel make people feel affinity to places where they visit.

  Then, let's consider about the information. Though I agree with the fact thanks to the internet and other media we could get in anytime and anywhere, it is also true that limits still exist. I want to my own experience as a example of this limitation. My family and my grandparents went on a trip to Ijak island, which is almost at the end of the West Sea. We should find our lodging ourselves and we have no worry at the first time because we believed with smartphone we could find it easily. It was, however, a great mistake. Because that place was out of network connection, we had no answer but asking native citizens. That was not end. During the trip, we are supposed to visit a famous restaurant where we found through internet before leaving after fishing. The restaurant, however, was out of business when we visited there. My father explained our situation to people around of there and they gladly shared some their foodstuffs and let us know another great restaurant. The memory that I and my sister were so furious about the false information of the internet is very vivid. Through this experience I could know that internet is not always reliable and the interaction during the travel is very precious. Those who have such experience would feel empathy what I say.

  Besides, qualitative travel is beneficial to not only travelers but also attraction shops. Consider you are a owner of a souvenir shop in a famous zoo. Every travelers drop out and leave to somewhere else. Can you run your shop without customer in this situation?


Some might argue like this way like the saying of Christian Eilers's the article.

a person who travels to places for a quick moment is still accomplishing something, still experiencing a new destination, even if it is brief. There is no harm, and perhaps even a net positive that this form of travel can offer a person, as far as culture and education are concerned. A person who has traveled to 100 countries in a year is still going to have plenty of stories – that’s incontestable; perhaps the amount of stories can equal or surpass the stories of a person who traveled through one country in a year. One point in the favor of competitive travelers – these guys are more likely to be around people more often, as frequent journeys to and from destinations usually force one to submit to the joys that are travel transportation, such as planes. And being around people in a foreign destination is a learning experience, more times than not. Also, in just short minutes we can do many things; having a coffee break with a person I just met in there, appreciating beautiful scenery.

  Moreover, because of the development of information technology, we can get a lot of information what we want to know.

  However, how can we say he or she has completely enjoyed certain place even if he or she doesn't know anything about? How can we say "I have visited New York" even though I just spent 10 minutes in JFK Airport for transfer? Dropping out is hard to be travel.

  Furthermore, empirical information must have difference media cannot convey. How can media, especially internet, convey the very grandiosity of Genesis on Sistine Chapel ceiling through its monitor 100 times smaller than the paintings?

  Beside, even though information and appreciation has no problem, they cannot deny this; competitive traveling makes people exhausted mentally and physically. As they visit many places, they have a lot of place to remember and move by so much. Considering this, we could know qualitative travel is more effective than quantitative travel.

First Draft : The Narration

My persuasive argument thesis is: Although it is important to concentrate on both of quality and quantity in traveling.

People and tour agencies would get enough information on how long time would enough in the travel when they plan to a trip or develop a travel package, knowing that spending enough time is needed for effective remembering about the places they visited and deep appreciation. If people ignore my opinion and just are immersed with counting places they visited, they would just be likely to waste their time and strength,making meaningless and stressful travel.

In my article, quality would mean to spend long time in certain places and quantity would mean visiting as many places as possible. Before considering which of them is great, we should set standard of the travel period and where we visit. In my article the travel period and places would follow the average based on the article 2012 Consumer Trends- suppose you would travel about 7 days, visiting famous attractions like museum, historic places, or splendid buildings.

First Draft : The Introduction

Everyone, from babies to elderly citizens, is in their routine and sometimes eager to escape that stuffy sickening daily life. As the best of the way out, Travel has taken center stage for a long time. Moreover as the life standard reach higher and higher and the transportations develop, the demand about better travel is skyrocketing.

Nowadays, as the demanding become higher, the trend of travel is also changing. According to the The 14 Trends That Will Define Travel In 2014s, as the information revolution was done, people become wealth with information because of previously researched information and demanding more depending on media and start to shun human interaction, and know their way around everywhere they go. This bore new travel flow called "competitive travel" that aims for visiting as many places as a possible or getting many stamps on the passport before certain age seems in favor. Then, a question can arise; do you think competitive of traveling is worth spreading? There are two good sayings that can represent these two sides.

1.     One's destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things." - Henry Miller

2.     Success is a journey, not a destination. The doing is often more important than the outcome.” – Arthur Ashe

Are you Henry Miller or Arthur Ashe? Which type of travel is more likely to bring best memory about the travel? Which of one should be taken care of in travel- Quality vs. Quantity? In the confusability of this problem, I want to argue that paying best attention to the quality is the best way for great travel. 

Research 2

Source:

The 14 Trends That Will Define Travel In 2014

http://www.fairtrade.travel/uploads/files/Skift_Trends_2014.pdf


What I hope to learn from this source:

I want to find information that could be helpful in setting standard of travel period and places in my article or the current flow of travel.


Notes:

1. The development of digital enables travelers with mobile tools not to bring tons of hand holdings and to access a lot of information of any industry. Finally, travelers don't need human interaction because they already know what they would do and where they would go. 
2. The business made people travel at the time after their works are done (at the end of their business trip). Also, as the business travelers usually use professional mobile tools it is more easy for them to get information.

Final Thoughts:

This article was very helpful in finding the influence of information revolution in travel; travelers are full of information about their tour place and this leads to the decrease of human interaction. Also, the type of travelers are diversifying due to the introduction of media (like business travelers). The development of mobile tools that allow travelers to access more information about tour places can be a support of my opponent's side and I think I need to start research that support how the media are likely to give people wrong or distorted information.

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Source:
2012 Consumer Trends

http://www.travelweekly.com/Travel-News/Travel-Agent-Issues/2012-Consumer-Trends/


What I hope to learn from this source:

I want to find information that could be helpful in setting standard of travel period and places in my article or the current flow of travel.


Notes:

1. The people who plan to travel with tour agencies increased. (4.51 vs. 3.67- tour agencies and free traveling) 
2. The period of travel is about 7days on average.

Final Thoughts:

Through this article, I could  the average travel period. Though it is a little bit worrying that because it is a resource of 2012 there would be a change in the pattern, I believe there would be a no big change that will affect on my article. Also, I learn that those who travel through the package from tour agencies increased and I think that means the role of tour agencies become more important for better travel. This means, I think, the role of tour agencies is still important in traveling.


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Source:
Tourism-in-the-midst-of-a-mobile-revolution

http://www.historyspace.eu/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Tourism-in-the-midst-of-a-mobile-revolution.pdf

What I hope to learn from this source:

I want to get information how the mobile revolution affects travel like the change of travel pattern or the way of traveling.

Note:

1. It becomes more easy for travelers to know the information, make a reservation



Final Thoughts:
I didn't know that the travel pattern would change as technologies or the life pattern of people change. Especially, I didnt think that the mobile tools let travelers more free and independent in travel. I think this would make travelers plan travel themselves without help of tour agents. This information would be helpful in explaining why we should consider time to stay in a tourist site.
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Source:




Note:



Final Thoughts:




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Source:

http://www.wanderingearl.com/feeling-lost-confused-lonely-while-traveling/


What I hope to learn from this source:




Note:



Final Thoughts:

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Source:

The Rapid Spread of Misinformation Online

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/farida-vis/the-rapid-spread-of-misinformation-online_b_4665678.html

What I hope to learn from this source:

In this source I want to learn how easy the internet give us wrong, distorted infromation.

Note:



Final Thoughts:
In this source I could get some examples of the misinformaiton of internet. I think I can use in explaining why we cannot believe the information of internet by giving readers these examples. 

Classical Argument Outline

1. The introduction, which warms up the audience, establishes goodwill and rapport with the readers, and announces the general theme or thesis of the argument.

I would begin my article, saying that most of people have found a travel as a good way of escaping their routine. And then I would say for better travel which of quality and quantity should be taken care of, defining the meaning of quality and quantity in my article. Finally, I will add my thesis " we should pay attention to quality for our better travel." or "we had better not to become a competitive traveler."

2. The narration, which summarizes relevant background material, provides any information the audience needs to know about the environment and circumstances that produce the argument, and set up the stakes-what’s at risk in this question. In academic writing, this often takes the form of a literature review.

First of all, I will give the definition of the words "quality" and "quantity" or if I change(paraphrase) the topic using the word "competitive traveler" I would explain it. And then, I will let readers know the travel period that would be the basis of my article and I would develop my opinion according to.

3. The confirmation,which lays out in a logical order (usually strongest to weakest or most obvious to most subtle) the claims that support the thesis, providing evidence for each claim.

Firstly, I will say the more we spend time in a certain place, the deeper appreciation would arise in our mind supported by my research. And then I will compare the information from real places and media to emphasize the information gained in person more easy to remember and more reliable by citing statistics about false information of media. Finally, I will show the influences and benefits of qualitative tour to tourism agencies by introducing tour program beneficial for the agencies. 

4. The refutation and concession, which looks at opposing viewpoints to the writer’s claims, anticipating objections from the audience, and allowing as much of the opposing viewpoints as possible without weakening the thesis.

I will agree that in short moment a person can get inspiration or feel happy, but refute with the problem how quantitative travel badly affect our physically and mentally, and how hard to get deep appreciation in short time. I will use the example of visiting a poor indigenous town of Indonesia where I visit last year and quote a saying to emphasize the importance of time investment for deep appreciation.

5. The summation, which provides a strong conclusion, amplifying the force of the argument,  and showing the readers that this solution is the best at meeting the circumstances.

I will summarize my entire points I said before. I will also say that though the standard of happy can differ and there is no perfectly right answer in this topic, but qualitative travel is more likely to give people unforgettable experiences. Finally I will end my article with my thesis restatement.

Articulation

1) My argument
I want to argue that qualitative tour is better than quantitative tour. These days, as the demand about better tour has been increasing, it has been debated which is better way to improve tour; quality, which means staying long at certain attractions, or quantity, which means to visit as many attractions as possible. I want to highlight that any impression and appreciation that take great role of making the travel more precious and better, is hard to come about during the tour without quality.

2) How I found my argument
My first research was quality in tourism. It seems necessary to define the meaning of quality and quantity in my article. Through the article, I could learn that influence range attractions of qualitative and quantitative tour is more wide than I thought like environments or agents. While I continued researching I could get some supporting ideas that the travel which consists of torrential movement without enough stay time would make people lose their sincere purpose of travel (get relieved or happy), exhausted and deep understanding is hard to arise in short time and so forth. Also, I learned a word "competitive traveler" that expresses those who aim for quantitative travel Besides, researches became an opportunity I should take notice before writing my article like the definition or the travel period that would be an basis for my opinion.


3) New research questions
I have some questions I should resolve for my better article.

a) What is the average travel period of ordinary people?
b) How tourism agencies or other side can get influence by these type of travel?
c) What is the difference of information gained through between media and real place?
d) What kind of information is easy to remember? (From reading or experiences)
e) How many times the media give us distorted of wrong information?

I would keep researching through internet and think about my own experiences, and post it on my blog regularly.


4) Connections to the Harvard Sampler
The argument of mine has the connection with information exploit and control. In the middle of information revolution, we can get and use a number of information about some places before we visit there, but at the same time easy to get wrong or distorted information before going on a trip or limited to get what we want to know. This can be helpful in developing opinion of both sides.