Self Evaluation

1) What score do you think you deserve? Here is the rubric:

2 points - The first draft is thoughtful and a good start to an effective persuasive essay. It demonstrates an understanding of the classical argument.

1 point - The student completes a first draft that demonstrates an understanding of the classical argument

0 points - The first draft is inadequate

 I think my essay deserves 1 point. 

2) What did you do well?

 I think my introduction was good enough to grab attention of viewers with the sayings that can represent the both side of my question. Also, it was good to try to persuade others with some questions comparing the differences of two sides.

3) What could you have done better?

The whole essay is little bit messy I think because I didn't effectively. If I write and make my ideas and supports more clear, it would become better first draft.

4) Which part of the classical argument did you use the best?

I think the part of the classical argument that I use the best is the narration.

5) Which part of the classical argument did you use the most poorly?

I think the poorest part of my classical argument is the refutation and concession, and conclusion. Though I found the saying that can convey the opinion of opposite side and conceded the idea of it, I could not found enough supporting resources to reinforce my argument against refutations. Conclusion was weak because it lost several key elements of conclusion form.

6) What's your strategy to make your second draft better?

 I think I should find more supports or experts opinion about my argument for the more convincing essay. Most of parts were weak with research. That is, I should keep research and find support resources for the better second draft.

ion is strong. I do a good 

First Draft

  Everyone, from babies to elderly citizens, is in their routine and sometimes eager to escape that stuffy sickening daily life. As the best of the way out, Travel has taken center stage for a long time. Moreover as the life standard reach higher and higher and the transportations develop, the demand about better travel is skyrocketing.

  Nowadays, the trend of travel is changing as there is a lot of change in life pattern. According to the The 14 Trends That Will Define Travel In 2014s, as the information revolution was done, people become wealth with information because of previously researched information through media and start to shun human interaction, and know their way around everywhere they go. This bore new travel flow called "competitive travel" that aims for visiting as many places as a possible or getting many stamps on the passport before certain age seems in favor. Then, a question can arise; do you think competitive of traveling is worth spreading? There are two good sayings that can represent these two sides.

1. One's destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things." - Henry Miller
2. Success is a journey, not a destination. The doing is often more important than the outcome.” – Arthur Ashe

  Are you Henry Miller or Arthur Ashe? Which of one should be taken care of in memorable travel- Quality vs. Quantity? In the confusability of this problem, I want to argue that paying best attention to the quality is the best way for great travel.

  In my article, quality would mean to spend long time in certain places and quantity would mean visiting as many places as possible. Before considering which of them is great, we should set standard of the travel period and where we visit. In my article the travel period and places would follow the average based on the article 2012 Consumer Trends- suppose you would travel about 7 days, visiting famous attractions like museum, historic places, or splendid buildings.
It is true that thanks to the information revolution, we can be rich with information about some places we have never visited there. According to Tourism in the midst of a mobile revolution, the development of IT would lead to astonishing change in tourism.

  Anybody who has used the internet for holiday research - for finding the best deals, the best accommodation or the best things to see or do – knows that it is no easy task. However, with improvements in data processing technology expected in the next five years, we will see the development of smarter search engines which will be better at finding and comparing more complex queries. Amadeus predicts that in the near future, consumers will be able to ask a search engine to “find a seven day hiking holiday in South America, under a specific budget, including flights and accommodation, on specific dates,” and it will generate a wide range of possible itineraries and destinations, all reviewed by other tourists and travel experts.

  Like this article says, as time goes by it would become much easier to find information we want to get. Amidst this information flow, however, we should know that there are still some reason we cannot help putting a high value on quality in travel.

  To acknowledge the importance of quality in travel, let's consider a sayings firstly. This is related with the deep appreciation of travel. "What is written without effort is in general read without pleasure (Samuel Johnson)" If you felt that this saying seems dealing with one's effort, you are seeing right. What I want to say through this saying is you should spend enough time if you want to get something meaningful from it. To be busy to see as many attractions as possible would make people just remember the memory they were so hurry, not the appreciation about the place. If you don't spend enough time for it, it is natural to become hard to remember what you see.

  Are you still clueless? Then, suppose you are traveling France. Now, you just arrive at Louvre Museum and the tourist says you would spend 10 minuets in here. Can 10 minutes bring deep appreciation trough 10 minutes spending in Louvre which has more than 30,000 pieces of paintings? Do you think Mona Lisa with digital pixel is the same with real one? The understanding about the a painting must be different between those who observed it closely and those who caught a glimpse of it.
Christian Eilers, one of the famous bloger in travel and work as the journalist of Dauntless Jaunter , says like this in his article.

  I believe that the best way to educate ourselves, our society, and the people we come into contact with is to travel, but to do it in a way that we are able to soak up the culture, history, art, food, etc. of the places we are traveling to. 
  Also, in the blog "travel enlightenment" One say his own experience about a woman who just exhausted with competitive traveling.

I just met a woman who traveled Israel, Jordan and Egypt and was downhearted because of the rush of time. From my personal experience by visiting with many travelers and tourists, many at the end are mince meet – run into the ground with exhaustion.

  Considering their opinion, competitive traveling seems like fool's gold while qualitative travel make people feel affinity to places where they visit.

  Then, let's consider about the information. Though I agree with the fact thanks to the internet and other media we could get in anytime and anywhere, it is also true that limits still exist. I want to my own experience as a example of this limitation. My family and my grandparents went on a trip to Ijak island, which is almost at the end of the West Sea. We should find our lodging ourselves and we have no worry at the first time because we believed with smartphone we could find it easily. It was, however, a great mistake. Because that place was out of network connection, we had no answer but asking native citizens. That was not end. During the trip, we are supposed to visit a famous restaurant where we found through internet before leaving after fishing. The restaurant, however, was out of business when we visited there. My father explained our situation to people around of there and they gladly shared some their foodstuffs and let us know another great restaurant. The memory that I and my sister were so furious about the false information of the internet is very vivid. Through this experience I could know that internet is not always reliable and the interaction during the travel is very precious. Those who have such experience would feel empathy what I say.

  Besides, qualitative travel is beneficial to not only travelers but also attraction shops. Consider you are a owner of a souvenir shop in a famous zoo. Every travelers drop out and leave to somewhere else. Can you run your shop without customer in this situation?



Some might argue like this way like the saying of Christian Eilers's the article.

a person who travels to places for a quick moment is still accomplishing something, still experiencing a new destination, even if it is brief. There is no harm, and perhaps even a net positive that this form of travel can offer a person, as far as culture and education are concerned. A person who has traveled to 100 countries in a year is still going to have plenty of stories – that’s incontestable; perhaps the amount of stories can equal or surpass the stories of a person who traveled through one country in a year. One point in the favor of competitive travelers – these guys are more likely to be around people more often, as frequent journeys to and from destinations usually force one to submit to the joys that are travel transportation, such as planes. And being around people in a foreign destination is a learning experience, more times than not. Also, in just short minutes we can do many things; having a coffee break with a person I just met in there, appreciating beautiful scenery.

  Moreover, because of the development of information technology, we can get a lot of information what we want to know.

  However, how can we say he or she has completely enjoyed certain place even if he or she doesn't know anything about? How can we say "I have visited New York" even though I just spent 10 minutes in JFK Airport for transfer? Dropping out is hard to be travel.

  Furthermore, empirical information must have difference media cannot convey. How can media, especially internet, convey the very grandiosity of Genesis on Sistine Chapel ceiling through its monitor 100 times smaller than the paintings?

  Beside, even though information and appreciation has no problem, they cannot deny this; competitive traveling makes people exhausted mentally and physically. As they visit many places, they have a lot of place to remember and move by so much. Considering this, we could know qualitative travel is more effective than quantitative travel.

  Until now, I have talked about the importance of spending time long enough in attractions with these reasons; the deep appreciation, limitation of media information, and benefits of attraction shops. It is still true that tastes differ and there is no problem as long as a person could be happy whether what type of travel the person prefer. Still, I believe that the best memorable travel is hard to happen without the quality time in travel places. Therefore, quality should be taken care of than quantity for the memorable travel.

First Draft : The Conclusion

Until now, I have talked about the importance of spending time long enough in attractions with these reasons; the deep appreciation, limitation of media information, and benefits of attraction shops. It is still true that tastes differ and there is no problem as long as a person could be happy whether what type of travel the person prefer. Still, I believe that the best memorable travel is hard to happen without the quality time in travel places. Therefore, quality should be taken care of than quantity for the memorable travel.

First Draft : Refutation and Concession

First Draft : The Confirmation

1. What is my thesis?

Although quantity enables us to watch many sceneries, to spend enough time in a tour place is more useful experience.


2. What types of source am I using to defend my thesis?

I am using personal blogs and some examples of them, some reports about the travel trend.


3. Are my arguments mostly based on evidence, logic or emotion?

My arguments have no hard evidence. In fact, I think that is one of the biggest problems with my confirmation. I have good quotes from famous people, and a good example with the Chinese Room, but no statistics or studies to support my thesis. There are no emotional appeals either, but I don't think those would be useful.



To acknowledge the importance of quality in travel, let's consider a sayings firstly. This is related with the deep appreciation of travel. "What is written without effort is in general read without pleasure (Samuel Johnson)" If you felt that this saying seems dealing with one's effort, you are seeing right. What I want to say through this saying is you should spend enough time if you want to get something meaningful from it. To be busy to see as many attractions as possible would make people just remember the memory they were so hurry, not the appreciation about the place. If you don't spend enough time for it, it is natural to become hard to remember what you see.

  Are you still clueless? Then, suppose you are traveling France. Now, you just arrive at Louvre Museum and the tourist says you would spend 10 minuets in here. Can 10 minutes bring deep appreciation trough 10 minutes spending in Louvre which has more than 30,000 pieces of paintings? Do you think Mona Lisa with digital pixel is the same with real one? The understanding about the a painting must be different between those who observed it closely and those who caught a glimpse of it.
Christian Eilers, one of the famous bloger in travel and work as the journalist of Dauntless Jaunter , says like this in his article.

  I believe that the best way to educate ourselves, our society, and the people we come into contact with is to travel, but to do it in a way that we are able to soak up the culture, history, art, food, etc. of the places we are traveling to. 
  Also, in the blog "travel enlightenment" One say his own experience about a woman who just exhausted with competitive traveling.

I just met a woman who traveled Israel, Jordan and Egypt and was downhearted because of the rush of time. From my personal experience by visiting with many travelers and tourists, many at the end are mince meet – run into the ground with exhaustion.

  Considering their opinion, competitive traveling seems like fool's gold while qualitative travel make people feel affinity to places where they visit.

  Then, let's consider about the information. Though I agree with the fact thanks to the internet and other media we could get in anytime and anywhere, it is also true that limits still exist. I want to my own experience as a example of this limitation. My family and my grandparents went on a trip to Ijak island, which is almost at the end of the West Sea. We should find our lodging ourselves and we have no worry at the first time because we believed with smartphone we could find it easily. It was, however, a great mistake. Because that place was out of network connection, we had no answer but asking native citizens. That was not end. During the trip, we are supposed to visit a famous restaurant where we found through internet before leaving after fishing. The restaurant, however, was out of business when we visited there. My father explained our situation to people around of there and they gladly shared some their foodstuffs and let us know another great restaurant. The memory that I and my sister were so furious about the false information of the internet is very vivid. Through this experience I could know that internet is not always reliable and the interaction during the travel is very precious. Those who have such experience would feel empathy what I say.

  Besides, qualitative travel is beneficial to not only travelers but also attraction shops. Consider you are a owner of a souvenir shop in a famous zoo. Every travelers drop out and leave to somewhere else. Can you run your shop without customer in this situation?


Some might argue like this way like the saying of Christian Eilers's the article.

a person who travels to places for a quick moment is still accomplishing something, still experiencing a new destination, even if it is brief. There is no harm, and perhaps even a net positive that this form of travel can offer a person, as far as culture and education are concerned. A person who has traveled to 100 countries in a year is still going to have plenty of stories – that’s incontestable; perhaps the amount of stories can equal or surpass the stories of a person who traveled through one country in a year. One point in the favor of competitive travelers – these guys are more likely to be around people more often, as frequent journeys to and from destinations usually force one to submit to the joys that are travel transportation, such as planes. And being around people in a foreign destination is a learning experience, more times than not. Also, in just short minutes we can do many things; having a coffee break with a person I just met in there, appreciating beautiful scenery.

  Moreover, because of the development of information technology, we can get a lot of information what we want to know.

  However, how can we say he or she has completely enjoyed certain place even if he or she doesn't know anything about? How can we say "I have visited New York" even though I just spent 10 minutes in JFK Airport for transfer? Dropping out is hard to be travel.

  Furthermore, empirical information must have difference media cannot convey. How can media, especially internet, convey the very grandiosity of Genesis on Sistine Chapel ceiling through its monitor 100 times smaller than the paintings?

  Beside, even though information and appreciation has no problem, they cannot deny this; competitive traveling makes people exhausted mentally and physically. As they visit many places, they have a lot of place to remember and move by so much. Considering this, we could know qualitative travel is more effective than quantitative travel.

First Draft : The Narration

My persuasive argument thesis is: Although it is important to concentrate on both of quality and quantity in traveling.

People and tour agencies would get enough information on how long time would enough in the travel when they plan to a trip or develop a travel package, knowing that spending enough time is needed for effective remembering about the places they visited and deep appreciation. If people ignore my opinion and just are immersed with counting places they visited, they would just be likely to waste their time and strength,making meaningless and stressful travel.

In my article, quality would mean to spend long time in certain places and quantity would mean visiting as many places as possible. Before considering which of them is great, we should set standard of the travel period and where we visit. In my article the travel period and places would follow the average based on the article 2012 Consumer Trends- suppose you would travel about 7 days, visiting famous attractions like museum, historic places, or splendid buildings.

First Draft : The Introduction

Everyone, from babies to elderly citizens, is in their routine and sometimes eager to escape that stuffy sickening daily life. As the best of the way out, Travel has taken center stage for a long time. Moreover as the life standard reach higher and higher and the transportations develop, the demand about better travel is skyrocketing.

Nowadays, as the demanding become higher, the trend of travel is also changing. According to the The 14 Trends That Will Define Travel In 2014s, as the information revolution was done, people become wealth with information because of previously researched information and demanding more depending on media and start to shun human interaction, and know their way around everywhere they go. This bore new travel flow called "competitive travel" that aims for visiting as many places as a possible or getting many stamps on the passport before certain age seems in favor. Then, a question can arise; do you think competitive of traveling is worth spreading? There are two good sayings that can represent these two sides.

1.     One's destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things." - Henry Miller

2.     Success is a journey, not a destination. The doing is often more important than the outcome.” – Arthur Ashe

Are you Henry Miller or Arthur Ashe? Which type of travel is more likely to bring best memory about the travel? Which of one should be taken care of in travel- Quality vs. Quantity? In the confusability of this problem, I want to argue that paying best attention to the quality is the best way for great travel. 

Research 2

Source:

The 14 Trends That Will Define Travel In 2014

http://www.fairtrade.travel/uploads/files/Skift_Trends_2014.pdf


What I hope to learn from this source:

I want to find information that could be helpful in setting standard of travel period and places in my article or the current flow of travel.


Notes:

1. The development of digital enables travelers with mobile tools not to bring tons of hand holdings and to access a lot of information of any industry. Finally, travelers don't need human interaction because they already know what they would do and where they would go. 
2. The business made people travel at the time after their works are done (at the end of their business trip). Also, as the business travelers usually use professional mobile tools it is more easy for them to get information.

Final Thoughts:

This article was very helpful in finding the influence of information revolution in travel; travelers are full of information about their tour place and this leads to the decrease of human interaction. Also, the type of travelers are diversifying due to the introduction of media (like business travelers). The development of mobile tools that allow travelers to access more information about tour places can be a support of my opponent's side and I think I need to start research that support how the media are likely to give people wrong or distorted information.

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Source:
2012 Consumer Trends

http://www.travelweekly.com/Travel-News/Travel-Agent-Issues/2012-Consumer-Trends/


What I hope to learn from this source:

I want to find information that could be helpful in setting standard of travel period and places in my article or the current flow of travel.


Notes:

1. The people who plan to travel with tour agencies increased. (4.51 vs. 3.67- tour agencies and free traveling) 
2. The period of travel is about 7days on average.

Final Thoughts:

Through this article, I could  the average travel period. Though it is a little bit worrying that because it is a resource of 2012 there would be a change in the pattern, I believe there would be a no big change that will affect on my article. Also, I learn that those who travel through the package from tour agencies increased and I think that means the role of tour agencies become more important for better travel. This means, I think, the role of tour agencies is still important in traveling.


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Source:
Tourism-in-the-midst-of-a-mobile-revolution

http://www.historyspace.eu/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Tourism-in-the-midst-of-a-mobile-revolution.pdf

What I hope to learn from this source:

I want to get information how the mobile revolution affects travel like the change of travel pattern or the way of traveling.

Note:

1. It becomes more easy for travelers to know the information, make a reservation



Final Thoughts:
I didn't know that the travel pattern would change as technologies or the life pattern of people change. Especially, I didnt think that the mobile tools let travelers more free and independent in travel. I think this would make travelers plan travel themselves without help of tour agents. This information would be helpful in explaining why we should consider time to stay in a tourist site.
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Source:




Note:



Final Thoughts:




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Source:

http://www.wanderingearl.com/feeling-lost-confused-lonely-while-traveling/


What I hope to learn from this source:




Note:



Final Thoughts:

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Source:

The Rapid Spread of Misinformation Online

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/farida-vis/the-rapid-spread-of-misinformation-online_b_4665678.html

What I hope to learn from this source:

In this source I want to learn how easy the internet give us wrong, distorted infromation.

Note:



Final Thoughts:
In this source I could get some examples of the misinformaiton of internet. I think I can use in explaining why we cannot believe the information of internet by giving readers these examples.